ehwooowwah

this is ahenkan. he is one of our eap student guides. i thought he was cool, until he wasn't here is a sampling of some of the texts he has sent me:

HI ERIN THANKS SO MUCH YOU HAVE REALLY SIHOWN ME A TRUE CHARACTER OF GOOD FRIENDSHIP MAY WHAT YOU SPENT ON ME BE MULTIPLY IN THOUSANDS FOLDS AND FOR ME TO SAY THANK YOU WILL BE UNFAIR THAN TO SAY ACCEPT MY LOVE YOU WILL FOREVER REMAIN SPECIAL TO ME AND BE REMEMBERED GOOD NIGHT MY DEAR ERYN
yikes
HI BABY AM OK HERE ON CAMPUS AND I HOPE U TOO SAY HI TO EVERYVODY ON MY BEHALF TELL THEM I HAVE MISSED THEM AND TO U I SAY UR WAOO I LOV DO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF
oh god
PLEASE ERIN IF THERE IS ANYTHING THAT I HAVE WRONG YOU AT AM DEEPLY REGRETTED AND SAY FIND A PLACE IN YOUR HUMBLE HEART TO FORGIVE ME BECAUSE AM WORRIED AT WHAT MIGHT HAVE HAPPENED
pleasestop
A VERY GOOD MORNING TO YOU ERIN AND ELIZA I HOPE YOU HAD A GOOD SLEEP HAVE A PLEASANT DAY AND FRUITFUL STAY AS YOU MOVE INTO YOUR NEWLY RESIDENT BYE FOR NOW FROM AHENKAN PLS ACCEPT THIS MESSAGE
then i politely asked him to fuck off
THANKS A LOT AM ALSO VERY GRATEFUL FOR BEING VERY KIND ENOUGH TO TELL ME HOW YOU FELL AM SORRY FOR MAKING YOU FEEL DISCOMFORT I WILL ACT ACCORDINGLY PLEASE ACCEPT MY SINCERE APOLOGY AM SO SORRY GOODNIGHT AND HAVE A NICE DREAM I HAVE ACCEPTED IT IN GOOD FAITH AND THEREFORE PLEAD WITH YOU TO FORGIVE ME ANY INCONVIENCE THAT MIGHT HAVE CAUSED MY DEEPLY REGRET THANK YOU
then
PLS ERIN I HAVE DELETED YOUR NUMBER FROM MY HANDSET AS A MEASURE TO PREVENTING ME TO MAKE AN ATTEMPT TO DIAL IT SO BE REST ASSURED THAT AM GOING TO KEEP TO YOUR SAYINGS THANKS A LOT MY HUMBLE APOLOGY
um
HI ERIN I WISH I COULD HAVE SAID A FINAL GOODBYE TO U AS I LEAVE FOR MY CAMPUS BUT MY FEAR WAS THAT U MIGHT NOT WELCOME ME BECAUSE OF YOUR LATEST MESSAGE HOWEVER I WANT TO SAY THANKS TO U ALL FOR YOUR SURPRISE IT WAS SIMPLY MAGNIFICENT MY SHORT MESSAGE FOR U IS HAVE A SUCCEFUL SEMESTER DEVOID OF SICKNESS BUT OF GREATNESS AND JOYFULLNESS

i thought you fucking deleted my number, what the shit??

BUT, its really a shame it didn't work out though, he had such great style.